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Who Initiates Sex In Your Relationship?

Who Initiates Sex In Your Relationship?

The other day I was chatting with an acquaintance who is a bit of an over-sharer.  I say oversharer because she always tends to tell me the most off-the-wall things about her life on an unsolicited basis.  (And don't worry, I told her I was writing this and she consented, laughed, and agreed that she is an oversharer).  The other day she randomly asked me, "who initiates sex in your relationship?"  I was kind of stunned because even with all of her over-sharing, we've never talked about this kind of thing!  Before I had the chance to put my eyeballs back in my head, she offered this: "my husband never initiates sex; it's always me and I feel kind of weird about it."  

We talked for about 20 minutes about the topic with her divulging all of her feelings and me mostly listening.  It did get me thinking - who does initiate sex in my marriage?  Right now, Hassan usually initiates.  He has this way of whispering something in my ear to make me giggle and then he will touch my back in this one really suggestive way and I know it's time to go!  But there have been seasons in our relationship where I'm the one to get the party started.  Like everything in long term relationships, things shift - that's expected, right?

We definitely go through ebbs and flows with our sex life - sometimes we are just really really really into it and can probably stand to go a few times a week.  And still there are weeks where we may just put on the ugly pajamas and undies and have a perfectly satisfying sex-less time.  At the end of the day, regardless of who is initiating, we are adults who are grown up enough to say, "I'm not in the mood" and the other person will just say, "ok, want to have a snack instead?"  And after all, if you're not having sex, aren't snacks the next best thing?

What about you?  I'd love to hear who is the one to light the match in your relationship.

Photo by Meghan Holmes on Unsplash

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