Do I Want Kids?
On the fence. That's the best way to describe my position on whether to have kids or not. Even as I type it I feel the ire of some readers that feel I should get over it and just have one. But to be honest, I'm just on the fence. And that's ok.
You see, I'm not the woman that has ever felt the pressure of time - I know my age and embrace it. I've given about as much energy thinking about biological clocks as it took me to write this sentence. That's not to say that I'm oblivious to the possible issues that a woman of my age faces, I just choose not to put that kind of pressure on myself. And that's ok.
Similarly I've never felt the pressure of people. My parents have never expressed their desire for me to "give them grandchildren." Quite the contrary, actually. They have always been very realistic about parenting and have warned me that it's a commitment and responsibility that should not be rushed into. Hassan also does not pressure me. He is already a parent and puts zero pressure on me to get off the fence. Ditto goes for the mother-in-law. Only one of my friends has lobbied for me to have children, and I didn't buy her argument at all - although I wasn't offended at her effort.
So I'm on the fence and it's still ok.
There are a host of reasons why I don't feel the need to make a decision yet that I won't get into here, but let's just say I have other decisions I'd rather make about life right now. And that's ok too.
Don't get me wrong - I like children (although I've been unfairly accused of the opposite). I enjoy watching my friends growing their families and love seeing their children grow from tiny humans to actual people with personalities and opinions. I see the benefits that children could bring to our life and I have even thought about what life will look like 25 years from now if we don't have children. But the truth is, none of that has altered my position one way or another.
You see, I'm not trying to defy tradition or to be different, it's just that I'm not convinced that I shouldn't be taking the road less traveled. As I've moved into my mid-thirties I am acutely aware that there is no one way to go about life and that is something that I am allowing to guide my life at this point. At the end of the day, it is a personal decision and not one that I would make without being absolutely sure that this challenge was one I welcomed without hesitation. So until then, on the fencepost I'll be. And that is ok.
Check out this great piece I came across about "baby ambivalence" that makes a lot of sense to me.