A Man Cave Saved My Marriage
There was a time when Hassan and I shared a home office. It was cute - matching desks and chairs and everything! At first sharing a space was nice - we could bounce ideas off of each other, sneak in a good smooch, and generally enjoy each other's presence. A few months passed and "nice" turned into "nice-ish". I may or may not have rolled my eyes when he would say, "babe, look at this" every.fifteen.minutes.... Finally, "nice-ish" turned to "no...just no." It was time.
I can count the number of times I have wanted to kill my husband. Most of these instances came about due to some occurrence in our shared office. I began to resent the oh-so-close-ness that I once loved. I'm sure he got sick of my clacking away on the keyboard and loud gum chewing. He also got sick of how I always wanted the room cold. He, on the other hand, liked to have every freakin' light on in the room - I wasted many an angry moment calculating the kilowatt hours being wasted in that room.
One morning, when I'm sure we'd both reached our limits, I lovingly asked, "how about you turn this office into your man cave and I move down the hall to another room?" Of course he hit me with the, "oh-no-but-baby-what-will-I-do-without-you?" deadpanned response. Within 30 minutes, all of my belongings were moved out of the joint office and into my new woman cave. Within 3 hours, a workbench from Home Depot found its way to the house and had been set up and fully stocked with tools and man-shit. By dinnertime, he had installed new lighting and developed a "media concept" for the television. Apparently the brotha had a blueprint for this man cave well in advance of my suggestion. Go figure...
I've got to say, now that we have our own space, we are both free to do our own thing which has worked wonders for us. He can now have a dedicated space for all of his computer engineering things and firearm maintenance, and I have a haven where I can obsess over crafts and watch reruns of West Wing on Netflix.
After the moving was done, we stopped in the space between the new caves for a moment of reflection. I was humbled by how appreciative he was that I had simply made the suggestion that he have his own space. It's interesting how the little things can have a huge impact on a relationship. By my showing that I cared enough that he have some room to breathe, it gave an unexpected breath of fresh air to our relationship.
What little things do you or your partner do that have huge rewards?
Photo Credit: Todd Quackenbush Photography